unwanted

One of the feeling i fear most is feeling unwanted. it sucked just as bad as if i have lost someone dear to me.

Had a weird ass dream last night. dream that daddy got a new baby girl and he bought a 10 bedroom house in Melbourne.

Guess he doesn’t want me in the dream and want to move out. I dislike both the baby girl and the house in Melboune. grr >:E

… but after SMS-ing daddy, I felt all warm and happy inside, because i love the feeling of assurance :)

funny feeling

Had dinner with family yesterday. The happy feeling came back, but somehow or rather it is still very difficult and rather empty without mama at the table making jokes out of the blue to entertain us before dinner is served. i miss her, i do.

Justin couldn’t join us for dinner, as he is stranded in Malacca. Justin if you are reading this, the porridge steamboat was awesome and good luck for your exams yea. yums! :P

The purpose of this post is to jot down the little feeling I have in me. The feeling that I have cannot be written/translated in words, not sure what it is but still.. I want to jot it down, before I forget how wonderful and warm it makes me feel inside.

In loving memory

I have known her for all my life, even longer than I have known my own mother.

I never realized how much I depended on her, and needed her.

I crawl to her every time, to seek comfort when I am sick, when my torn blouse need some sewing. No one cooks like she does, no one care like she does, and no one love me like she does.

She is strong, smart, incredibly creative lady with a kind heart and a gentle spirit.

It is hard not to love and miss a person like that.

I miss her very much.. and I wish that she is here right now to tell me that everything will be okay.

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I miss u, Mama.

departed peacefully on 16th May 2010.

the man who knows me 360

my daddy is my inspiration.

i lost my mom when i was 11. that was like the very very crucial time for me to have a mummy by my side. that is when i will be needing to buy my first bra, getting my period, figuring out how to get a pad on for the first time, advice on love, tips for grow into a young lady. Mummy wasn’t there for me. it was time for her to go. all i had was daddy.

my daddy worked hard for the family just to make sure my brother and i can live comfortably. he gave us almost anything.. and yes i mean anything. but that is not why i love him so much. my daddy is simply the most special man in my life.

he is some one i talk to when i am down, he is someone i can share a joke with, he is someone who understands me, inside out. he has been my pillar, through all these years of my life. when i am weak, i will tend to turn to him and lean on his strong shoulders.

i use to want to grow up really fast when i was younger, but now i think life is moving on too fast.

i just had a talk with him that day, he was telling me how fast i grew up, but never the less, he said i will always be his little girl.

my daddy is just very imspirational. he is a good leader, a good friend, a hella creative guy and above all, a good father. most teenager wish and probably will die to have him as their dad, because i dare say my daddy is very very cool! in high school i use to come back with piercings (like a lot~) he is still fine with it. other than piercing, he is also ok with my —— =) infact he got me that for my 20th b’day. i am pretty sure he knows a lot of (the bad) things that i have done, but some how or rather, there are many many times that i think he is backing me up. like one incident where i got busted in the cybercafe when i was 13. lets not go there now shall we.

he might be a lil impatient sometimes, but that is just it. there are many lessons that i have learned from him, and he will remind me over and over again. he always very particular about time, punctuality, and always teach me skills in order to be a good leader. my daddy is good in many things that i am not. i tend to rely on him, all the time.

ah, i will never be able to write all that my daddy is and what he has done for me. the list just goes on and on and on.

to sum it up, i just want to say Thank You daddy for giving me the 2 best thing in the world that anyone could ever ask for.. love and education.

HAPPY FATHER’s DAY and HAPPY BIRTHDAY daddy ~

there goes my holiday

i have not been doin anything progressive this past week. after finals all i want to do is just sleep. i think i have been hibernating from monday to friday, then i decided to wake up and meet up with baby jas0n, Sam and Suiteng in Leisure Mall. I can’t remember what we talked about. All i remember was nipples, dick, vagina, teeth and some super heroes. how random and gross.

anyway, i spent Saturday at Mid Valley Gardens. Nothing to do, so me and my bro spent all morning at the directory. it was so cool la. touch screen 1. *jakun jakun* and hor, their premium toilet is like more expensive than KLCC’s. i think their toilet bowl is made outta gold. freaking RM5. this ain’t my first time going there, but i really did not realize how cool the directory board was and how expensive the damn toilet was.

Anyway, we had lunch at Tony Roma coz Justin was making noise about it… he’s been craving for Tony Roma’s.

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honestly, it was my first time there.

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lil bro, waiting for his food.

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omg… food there was really good!!!!!!

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salad was superb.

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rib was purrrr-fect!!! *faint*

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desert.

sweet.

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see see, after tony roma’s we are much happier people.

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Justin and I. ouh yea, cut my hair again… >.<

miss the times when i had fringe, so decided to cut like that again. i’m basically a mangkuk now. = )

okay, have to stop blogging for now. gotto sleep early. tomorrow will be my first day of internship. i’m so excited and scared at the same time. ouh well, die die also must tahan till 5.30pm. wish me luck.
good night.