Magic Mushrooms

… is as good as downing a whole pack of Skittles

One minute it makes you feel as light as a feather, and the next thing you know, you are sinking like a bar of gold.

Makes wonder where my goat had gone. Johnny must have gone on a long holiday with Peter and Alexander. Back packing through Europe perhaps?

Jason was planning for a launch in his little space shuttle while I watched the black & white TV. Laughing to a cooking show and cried when it’s time for bed. No signs of unicorn. Nope.

Bright lights, dimmed lights, and big polka dots. They somewhat disappeared when I start talking to Kimora and Pink.

My hands are really sore from all the clapping. 2 days of clapping. Don’t blame me, I can’t control them.

Was fun while it lasted.

 

More than just running

… it’s how I train myself to be mentally stronger and positive.

I started running less than a year ago. Not really into running marathons, but just simply jogging from point A to point B.

It’s even better running on a cold winter morning, when your body really beg you to just shut down and head to bed. That’s when the mental war really start.

How did it start?

I ran my first marathon with one of my bestie, Steph in 2010. Not sure where she got the idea but she asked me if I would join her for a 5K run organized by Nike. I have never been a fan of running but I thought to myself, what the heck, why not? That run felt like forever. But with much support by Steph, we managed to finish the race, together. She slowed down for me a couple of times during the run. Not only it pushes me to go further but I know even more that she is someone I will not let go. Steph, if you are reading this, just want you to know you are precious :)

A sense of achievement

Not long after the Nike 5K marathon, my grandma passed away and I decided to take a gap year and then left for Australia. It’s hard to be homesick and even harder when you are alone so far away from your family. Have turn to running as a distraction.
When I was away, I could not afford a gym membership and I was seriously gaining weight. I took my very first step out the door that winter morning, and started jogging. It was almost year since the Nike run.
As I run each day, I tried to run a little further than the day before. Before I know it, I am running 10-15K.

When I run, I often take this time to think about things, mostly life.

Many have asked me why I started running, is it to keep fit and lose weight? That’s one of the reason but not the main reason.

To be very honest, I love the sense of accomplishment when I pass the finishing line at the end of the race. Timing is the least of my concern. It feels great to end what you have started, because along the way it might be rocky, lots of uphill climbs, and cramps. Same goes to what life have to offer. I told myself if I could pull through all that, I will be a better and stronger person. When you psych yourself so often, slowly it becomes a natural thing. And this is where I slowly gain more mental strength and becomes a much positive person. Not sure what other people perceive me as, but I know one person that could tell the world how negative of a person I once was. My fiance.

The little voice in you

Don’t matter running short / long distance, there will come to a point where you will start having little voices in you head talking and distracting you. I have tried my very best to ignore all the negative remarks and only take in the ones that benefit me. This voice will usually come when you are feeling dehydrated, tired and warm. The little voice have asked me to quit, and to just give up countless times. In circumstances like this, you have to stand strong, and remind yourself why you signed yourself up at the first place. That is to finish the race that you have started.

What keeps me going

I am at my prime, need to stay in best of shape and health. Then I would have more energy and stamina to take what life throws at me. And that being said, would definitely believe I could achieve more.

My god mother is super awesome. She kicks my butt when I slack and she motivates me all the time and run with me in almost all of the races. She is 51 this year and boy is she fit! Always on the top of the charts. (Kai Ma, if you are reading this, THANK YOU for being such an inspiration to me).

Besides that, I made so many friends through running. They all share this very same passion and they never stop sharing their words of encouragement. This is what keeps me going. And I hope by sharing my experience I could inspire some to start picking up running.

Now that I am back in Malaysia, since May  2012, I started signing up for marathons all around the city. I am surprised to find that are so many organizers out there that organize these marathons.Well, as for my short term goal, I would love to collect 10 medals by the end of 2012. And participate in a half marathon next year.

I sincerely hold on to these words, THE BODY ACHIEVES, WHAT THE MIND BELIEVES. It’s all in the head.

— Michelle

 

19.10.11

I don’t know where to start. The state I am in right now seems surreal. I am in so much of a mixed feeling. Feels like a pair of old pink jeans in a washing machine. Tumbling all around, with pennies and other remains falling out of it’s pocket. A good mixture of happiness and sadness.

I have been ”stranded” in Australia for the 8 months now. Baby jas0n just visited, but left for home. I miss him so much. Well, I have no regrets though, because when he was here we did so much together. Not a second wasted.

Something happened while he visited. Not sure how I’d announce this on my own personal blog (probably it’s just for my own keep sake, because no one read blogs anymore :P), but I have to say that Jason proposed.

It has been a good 6 years. Did not even feel like it was that long, maybe because there are so much to learn about each other. Makes everyday so interesting. Dare not say I have been through everything with Jason, or done every single thing with him, but we definitely have grew and learn from one another over the years that we have been together. He is someone I definitely, 99% low fat, super duper truly, without doubt and would love to start a family, experience life and grow old with.

Baby, if you are reading this, I just want to say that I know that this is not easy, especially I am not back at home. I hope everything will fall back into place when I get back. We will have so much fun planning for our big day and our whole life ahead of us. I promise.

I apologize if I ever told you that I might not want our big day to happen so soon. I just want us to take our time to plan this properly. We will enjoy the planning process. I just know it :)

And baby if you are wondering I DID NOT see that coming. I take my hats off to you. You are still the same Jason I know in Alpha, boy (now man) who have many tricks up his sleeves (and not to forget you and your creative juice *wink*). I am very shocked still :E

Proposal at Wineglass Bay, Tasmania

This post is dedicated to my dearest, baby Jason.

Who am I?

I think I need help from a psychiatrist.

I get easily depressed when I see people who are disabled, especially those who are visually impaired.

You have no idea how much it breaks me inside.

Sometimes I wonder why God made us.

So that we can live, and experience life? Live to suffer? Live to make a change in someone else’s life? Live to help people who are less fortunate? Live to find love?

Live for others?

I don’t really know my purpose here on earth, but what I do know is that life is almost perfect for me, but I get emotionally depressed when I cannot help. What should I do, what should I do?

I want to make this life fulfilling. There’s so many things I wish I could do. Like just quit my job, sit at the LRT station to guide those who need my help. But that is just plain silly.

Then I will be in need of money to survive myself. How am I gonna take care of my parents when they grow old, when I don’t have a career.

My mind is full of shit. I can’t think.

Bricolage

This is very interesting.

I have finally set foot into my final semester in MMU. In just 2 weeks i feel like i have learn a lot from my Design Process class. I found myself a new source of inspiration and ideation. i no longer need to inject ideas into my blood stream. I guess if you try hard enough, ideas will eventually come. This is where the name of the class make sense to me. Process.

Today, I learned about subcultures. Pretty interesting. I am aware and exposed to most subculture, till the bricolage slide came.

Bricolage means the practice of working with whatever materials are at hand, “making do” with what one has. As a cultural practice, bricolage refers to the activity of taking consumer product and commodities and making them one’s own by giving them a new meaning. This has the potential to create resistance meanings out of the commodities. For example the Michelle punk practice of wearing safety pins as body ornamentation is one of the most well-known examples of bricolage.

I am very surprise that what ever i am doing is actually an existing subculture. And heck, there’s a name for it.

one of the usage of safety pin
one of the usage of safety pin

I still remember, in high school days, my best friends and I use to always visit the piercing shop on Fridays. We would go down there and pierce our ears/nose together. Some of my friends will actually take out the piercing and let it close, and redo the whole process again on the following Friday. I use to have like 10-12 piercings on each ear. what more my friends.

Even better still, I once manually pierced my bestie’s earlobes. not just onces but twice. To make things even more exciting, i pierced her ear in a bumpy school bus ride on the way home. I guess we all shared one thing in common, is that we love the pain, the adrenaline rush and we use to think doing all that is beyond super(i am not gonna say it’s cool). I am so glad that WE ALL TURNED OUT TO BE DECENT. well, sort of.

I secretly likes the idea of body piercing and tattoo. Actually I thought of getting an industrial piercing and hand piercing though.

Gosh, no no… thinking back of things that I did gives me super goosebumps. 8 + 1 is more than enough. Really, I had enough.