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I have a perfect family, I have a lot of friends, I have a boyfriend that loves me for who I am, I have graduated, I have a job, I have a holiday that I am looking forward to go, I have 2 graduation trips, I have almost everything that I ever wanted…

but.. I am feeling empty. unhappy. tired.

I guess what I really want is my mummy to be here with me, so I can fill her in on stuff that happenned in tha past 11 years.

I just want to let out :\ really.

~ Butterfly ~

A butterfly.
Should it live or die?
As I hold its fragile body in my hand…

A gentle being,
Can’t scream as I tear off its wing
If I let go, where will it land?

I look at its colors,
Cheerful and happy,
Bright lines and stains…

And as I crush it,
Its beauty dissolves
Only my memory of it remains.

poem by : mr-caine

this poem is written by mr-caine, a deviantart artist. i came across it while i was looking for butterfly images and graphic for inspiration. i need to sketch it out before Sunday, so im doing my homework here.

i have been obsessed with butterflies since she left. I lie down on my bed and began to think bout how fragile life is. in life, we have choices. it is up to us on which path are we gonna take and what are we gonna do.

for me, i have never regretted on things that i have done, or the good and bad things that happened, simply because i believe that everything does happen for a reason. BUT, there is this thing in me that will never rest in peace. it would be a lie if i said that i have live so long without regrets.

…..i have regretted.
i have regretted on the things that i didn’t do.

i cannot do anything to fix it but to learn from my past, and NEVER repeat history.


now there’ nothing more that i can do, but to let the butterfly remind me of what happened and what i had learned from it.

hopefully one day my soul will be as free as the butterfly, bring me more colours and joy, and give me the balance of life.

i don’t want to know the past of the butterfly, but i will accept it for what it is right now. because i have moved on.


gone but not forgotten

why didn’t you wit for me, just for a little while,
I am on my way,
I want to tell you how much I Love You,
Like what I have to say.

I am sorry, mummy,
I’m late.
I know it is too selfish to ask,
but why can’t you wait?
I am down on my knees now crying,
Mummy, please don’t leave.

Why are you leaving me so fast?
Losing you it’s like a nightmare,
A nightmare that wouldn’t end,
Now, I wouldn’t dream, I wouldn’t dare.

I never know what PAIN is like untill I’ve lost you,
I barely survive these lonely nights, without having you by my side.

I am truely sorry for what I have done,
and I promise I’ll never be late,
When we meet,
at the heavenly gate.

What I can do now is just pray, and wait till the day,
we meet again.

**in the sweetest memories of Judy (17th July 1960 – 31st January 1998)

its been almost 9 years now…