I don’t know where to start. The state I am in right now seems surreal. I am in so much of a mixed feeling. Feels like a pair of old pink jeans in a washing machine. Tumbling all around, with pennies and other remains falling out of it’s pocket. A good mixture of happiness and sadness.

I have been ”stranded” in Australia for the 8 months now. Baby jas0n just visited, but left for home. I miss him so much. Well, I have no regrets though, because when he was here we did so much together. Not a second wasted.

Something happened while he visited. Not sure how I’d announce this on my own personal blog (probably it’s just for my own keep sake, because no one read blogs anymore :P), but I have to say that Jason proposed.

It has been a good 6 years. Did not even feel like it was that long, maybe because there are so much to learn about each other. Makes everyday so interesting. Dare not say I have been through everything with Jason, or done every single thing with him, but we definitely have grew and learn from one another over the years that we have been together. He is someone I definitely, 99% low fat, super duper truly, without doubt and would love to start a family, experience life and grow old with.

Baby, if you are reading this, I just want to say that I know that this is not easy, especially I am not back at home. I hope everything will fall back into place when I get back. We will have so much fun planning for our big day and our whole life ahead of us. I promise.

I apologize if I ever told you that I might not want our big day to happen so soon. I just want us to take our time to plan this properly. We will enjoy the planning process. I just know it :)

And baby if you are wondering I DID NOT see that coming. I take my hats off to you. You are still the same Jason I know in Alpha, boy (now man) who have many tricks up his sleeves (and not to forget you and your creative juice *wink*). I am very shocked still :E

Proposal at Wineglass Bay, Tasmania

This post is dedicated to my dearest, baby Jason.

gone but not forgotten

why didn’t you wit for me, just for a little while,
I am on my way,
I want to tell you how much I Love You,
Like what I have to say.

I am sorry, mummy,
I’m late.
I know it is too selfish to ask,
but why can’t you wait?
I am down on my knees now crying,
Mummy, please don’t leave.

Why are you leaving me so fast?
Losing you it’s like a nightmare,
A nightmare that wouldn’t end,
Now, I wouldn’t dream, I wouldn’t dare.

I never know what PAIN is like untill I’ve lost you,
I barely survive these lonely nights, without having you by my side.

I am truely sorry for what I have done,
and I promise I’ll never be late,
When we meet,
at the heavenly gate.

What I can do now is just pray, and wait till the day,
we meet again.

**in the sweetest memories of Judy (17th July 1960 – 31st January 1998)

its been almost 9 years now…